Saturday, March 22, 2014

Struggles, doubts, and moving forward

"I don't think I want to do this anymore..."

That's me.  I want to post about the positives of my training thus far, but really right now, they seem like a distant blur.  This isn't a pity party, this is just where I'm at right now.

This week was rough.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I didn't run much because of my foot pain.  I struggled through a horrible run on Thursday night and finally headed in to the foot doc on Friday.  VERY glad I did.

No fracture.  All bones looked great.

I can still run.

But with these in my shoes:

My three years worth of overpronating finally caused pain.  He knew immediately what my issue was when he looked at my feet.  The medical diagnosis was hallux limitus.

Basically, my footstrike was such that my big toe did the pushing, rather than my second metatarsal (yeah, real foot words here) and my big toe on my left foot was essentially immobile.  It was crystal clear when he demonstrated on my good foot, versus my left, where the pain had started.  It would have only been a matter of time before the same issue would have appeared on my right foot.  It's crazy that it all started now.  To recap, I had no symptoms until Monday night's treadmill run.  I got off and had a really sore ball of my left foot.  It hurt to walk, but gradually felt better through Tuesday.  I took Tuesday and Wednesday off, and attempted to run on Thursday.  Thursday I didn't feel pain on the ball, just more of a burning.  I had no swelling or bruising, and it was just a really weird feeling in my foot.

So, $330 later, I have over the counter arch supports until my customs come in, approximately 2 weeks from now.  The arch support will correct my footstrike, and help me push off the second toe correctly.  I ran today in the arch supports and noticed a huge difference.  I could feel my foot working better, and more efficiently.  But I have a lovely sore spot on each foot from the inserts.

I also have major hip pain back in my right hip.  The lovely hip that ended the Sioux Falls marathon dream last summer has decided to make a visit.  I ran on an uneven sidewalk this morning, and ran rather slow, and that's when I felt it.  I've been icing, praying, and doing some KT taping.  When it comes to the hip, I know what happened last time, and I have the resources to rehab and strengthen it again, I just don't really have a lot of time.  I have 6 weeks until the race, and this week was a big set back with the foot.  My long run was only 11 today, and I had 20 planned.  I'm so frustrated with every part of my body just wanting to fall apart all at once.  About an hour ago, when I was icing my hip on the couch, I was ready to completely throw in the towel and just say the heck with running.  I drank some coffee and came to my senses...

I hope I'm not the only runner that's struggled with these mental battles.  Running is so emotional.  When it's good, it's GREAT, and you feel like you are on top of the world!  When it sucks, it sucks big time, and seems to just consume your thoughts.  I know I need to snap out of it, and focus on brighter days ahead.  
"Smile, overcome your fears, and don't forget this is your dream..."